The Magic of Women Friendships

"A soulmate doesn't have to be a lover, sometimes it's your best friend."

Girlfriends are EVERYTHING.

It's something about female camaraderie that takes the edge off life. Good girlfriends are like mirrors; reflecting your yin and yang, pedestals; that hold you in high regard, and crutches when you near falling. I have shared life with most of my sister-friends for over two decades-growing up side by side, through every twist and turn. We have celebrated countless milestones, cheered each other through big wins, and held space during the heartbreaks and setbacks.

This season, I've been deeply reflective about the importance of friendship in my life. While getting lost in my thoughts over a decaf cappuccino, I mused about one of my friendships that inspired this post. Let me illustrate.

In the space of a week, one of my girlfriends just blew my mind. She is always amazing, but this week stood out as our friendship was in high gear. No rhyme or reason.

It all kicked off with her snagging an impossible resy for me and a plus one at one of the city's hot spots. Friends in high places-- that's her. A few days later, she surprised me with a stunning peony arrangement she crafted herself, remembering how much I loved the one at her place a few weeks earlier. As the week rolled on, we dove into heartfelt conversations that ranged from grieving the recent loss of parents to navigating the wild jungle of corporate America. She was my daily anchor, keeping me grounded (essentially reeling me in from losing my sh**) as I dealt with an ornery personality. Towards the end of the month, we got cute and met up at a chic restaurant to catch up on all the juicy details in between.

Thinking about this, I felt incredibly grateful. There are so many things I cherish about this friendship. It's made of all the good stuff. Since age 10, mutual love, support, careful consideration, and a resolute dependability have been the foundation of our bond. As eldest daughters, there is much synergy in what we value and in turn offer up through our sistership. I truly hope everyone has this type of girlfriend. Hey, Kris ;)

And to think, I have a few more besties in the mix, each offering something unique.

Enduring friendships hold a special place in my heart, much like rich double chocolate cake. The icing on the cake, forming new bonds. Embracing new connections is absolutely delicious. I affectionately call one of my long-time girlfriends the "friend whisperer." Over the years, she has introduced new women into the fold from her professional and collegiate circles... & never misses. She's unique in the way her energy is magnetic and siphons like-minded women into the clique. Cut from the same cloth, different textures. Strong, driven, women of faith- who clap instead of claw. I've met some amazing ladies through her. Certainly, it takes much of the leg work out making new gal pals.

Hey, Dr. Crenshaw ;)

The blood bond...

Perhaps a woman's first 101 in women friendship is with her sisters. I grew up with two built in besties. Before the ability to FaceTime a friend, (picture that) I could yell from my room and one of my sisters would come and give me the nod or not so subtle disapproval of an outfit. In times they weren't around, I'd sometimes feel like I was on an island.

By having sisters, I learned very early that proximity to other women is a necessity, for mundane matters to serious ones. I think my biggest lessons in grace, patience, and forgiveness were born from the complex rhythm of sisterhood. My sisters and I disagree often but make peace at the same rate. Sure, we didn't exactly sign up for each other, but somewhere in between endless arguments over bathroom time or stealing clothes, a deep bond is formed, and a fierce loyalty emerges in the way that only the blood bond can bring forth.

As little girls, sisters are often nudged or downright told by their parents to be friends. But as grown women, something beautiful happens: the friendship becomes a choice (one we exercise and revisit quite often, ha!) Sisters grow into their own lives, with their own paths and personalities, and if they stay close, it's not because they were told to, but because they genuinely want to be. It's a bond that transforms from childhood duty to chosen sisterhood that makes it more meaningful than ever.

The feeling of friendship? It's like coming home to yourself. Picture two halves of a heart-shaped "bff" necklace joining, creating the ultimate spark of frientimacy.  That feeling when you & your girlfriend link and immediately cut up. The laughter is uncontrollable, and your side eyes are in sync. The partner in crime who always seems to be on the same wavelength, whether it's for a night out on the town, or enjoying a good pregame nap. Back in the day, you'd run your minutes up with endless banter. Turns out, time with our girlfriends doesn't just lift our spirits, it benefits our health. According to a UCLA study, oxytocin is released when girlfriends engage. Even more reason to carve out time- be it a phone a call or what I like to call "girl dates."  This is luxury. If you have just one solid girl to call on, consider yourself rich.

Waiting to Exhale...

Waiting to Exhale~1995

Oh, how this film and phrase resonate so differently now. Celebrating individuality, unwavering support, sisterhood as a source of strength, raw honesty, plus the comfort + comedic relief combo during our journey, transforms this artwork into more than just a movie...it's a testament. #wecanrelate

You can't tell me besties aren't an essential that make your world go round. How many times have you silently exclaimed "I need a girl's night!!?" Until that moment of connection, it indeed feels like you are holding your breath. It's about the safe spaces we create for each other. The reassurance from real ones who know you & keep your spirit alive. Women's friendships are a special social capital that is crucial to our well-being. In whatever way your cup may be empty, they rush to fill it up. It simply works because we are hardwired to nurture, and this dynamic flourishes among women. I believe the success of many romantic relationships is partly due to our friendships. It has been said that "women friendships fill emotional gaps in marriages" -Gale B.

The give-and-take exchange is a form of intimacy so distinct among women friends & cultivates a sense of fulfillment like no other. It's a perfect understanding of each other's love languages and a greater ability to hold space for unguarded vulnerability.

It's no doubt friendships carry us through the madness. Chosen kinship is priceless! Let's lift our Espresso Martinis & toast to the girls!

~Love you big, Ash