143 Pt. 1

Confession: I'm a total lover girl. I came to this realization after someone pointed out the way I would speak of things others would consider mundane or how I found pleasure in the simplest of things. Prior to this epiphany, I've always thought of myself as more of a practical woman, leaning towards the tangibles. Welp, two things can be true right?

I have been embracing this side of me as a mid thirty something. Like Zora Neale Hurston said "love makes your soul crawl out its hiding place." From viewing Love Jones from a city rooftop, to sipping prosecco at waterside picnics, this girly has enjoyed all the things. Little magical moments with all the feels; that turn into memories for a lifetime. I simply love, love 😊 

Lately though, the duality of my being has my sights set on the fundamentals of love. Love is so all encompassing that we'll never be able to pin down its principals or true frequency-and that's because we define it. This got me thinking, why isn’t it more common place to ask your partner in the early stages what “I love you" means to them? Ultimately, the way we define love is the way we will experience it.

“...I got you; I love you and everything that comes with you. I want to share myself with you and continue down the path to grow our love even more...” A response, upon me asking "What does it mean when you tell me you love me?" I love this definition. While there are many things between the lines to be said here, I'll point out what resonates most. I got you= covering, protection. Everything that comes with you= embracing the totality of my being for better or worse. Sharing myself= this to me, is particularly powerful coming from a man. This displays trust, which in a man's world is not easy to obtain. Growing our love= strengthening the foundation that has been set. I think most of us can agree that love surpasses emotion. It's a verb, a continuous choice. This definition touches all the sweet spots for me.

Looking through the rearview, I believe managing expectations (in many respects) as best as you can, as EARLY as you can is one of the secret sauces in the recipe of relationship durability. For that reason, I think it's worth asking our counterpart what those three words mean to them. In doing so, we help ourselves uncover true alignment or misalignment in the initial stages of coupling. If your definitions complement or parallel each other's personal values, I presume you can increase the likelihood of longevity or at minimum reduce speed bumps along the way.

I asked a few individuals how they define "I love you." Here’s what they said: 

-" An ode to friendship, partnership...where people meet at the middle with the best of intentions. It's an act of celebrating the compassion, understanding, and effort it takes to love."

-" I see you for who you are and I accept you in all you are. And even in moments where we may not see eye to eye, I respect you enough to find forgiveness and understand your feelings."

"Being vulnerable mixed with the ultimate care for a person. 'I love you' is having their best interest in mind aligned with [me] being selfless."

"I love you means, I can't wait to get home when I'm leaving you in the morning....I love you means tell me what you're in the mood for and I know what your order is going to be... I love you means I know you better than you know yourself"

"I can't stop thinking about you, I always want to be around you...even if it's doing nothing. I need to know that you are good, happy, and fed. You can come to me with anything and for anything."

"Me waking up to see the blanket is no longer on him and places it back on. Him literally getting back in the car to get my soda after just coming from the store. Us being able to say sorry and apologize for being wrong.

-The act of "unconditional care and support for someone and their wellbeing, growth, happiness etc....also consciously deciding to continue to unconditionally care and support this person."

"I see you for who you are and I accept you in all that you are. Even in moments where we may not see eye to eye, i respect you enough to find forgiveness and understand your feelings."

Ps. Four of the definitions came from two couples, who have been together 10+ years, can you spot the synergy? :)

-a true lover girl, Ash