My Fave Appointment on the Calendar

“Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it.” — Buddha "

In a world where we romanticize self care, you'll find social media plastered with the latest skin care products, or must see spa destination to serve as a buffer from daily stress. While these things are nice, I think what we really crave is a more consistent state of contentment.

Don't get me wrong, treating myself is an absolute necessity - I view these indulgences as luxurious Band-Aids wrapped in a satin red bow. And when we partake in these things regularly (I advocate for this,) it becomes more routine than novelty. From hair appointments to waxing, I'm always sitting in someone's chair, BUT no chair will trump my dear therapists. If you want to effect lasting change and cultivate a sustained happiness, get into #therapy - my favorite appointment on the calendar.

Friday is my preferred day to be "couched." I unpack the week then reflect and implement over the weekend, so that when Monday comes around I feel equipped and empowered for any challenges that life may spring on me. I started therapy during covid to "uncouple" as successfully as possible. With two young kids, its was paramount that I did my best to lessen the impact on them, and to also help manage the new coparenting relationship. After that, I stuck with it on an individual basis. To this very day, I have at least 1 appointment monthly. I view therapy sessions as I would any other doctor visit - to optimize my health and wellbeing.

Here's how therapy has helped me:

1. Provided tools I needed to navigate difficult situations

2. Connected the dots in my personal attributes: both strengths and areas of improvement - which helped to get to know myself better

3. Provided an objective opinion, backed with data

4. Offered support through transitions

Other common benefits of therapy:

1. treat mental conditions

2. resolve conflicts

3. process trauma

4. improve communication skills

5. deal with complicated family dynamics

6. overcome fears

With that being said, I advocate for therapy on an annoying level. I'm often the go to individual that many people turn to for sound advice. While it is gratifying, I recognize that some issues exceed my wisdom, I am not an expert, and my bandwidth is purposely limited. When my capacity has been met, I tend to recommend a professional to unpack. I find many people who haven't partaken in therapy are curious, but find it to be another cumbersome to do item. Like anything else, getting started and making the choice to commit is probably the hardest part. The most common questions I get are- How do I select the right therapist? What is the typical cost? Do you prefer in person or virtual?

Here are some ways to help you get started on your therapy journey:

1. Think of what areas in which you seek guidance and support: anxiety, grief, depression, stress, conflict resolution, etc. Then, find a professional that specializes in those matters. Also, nothing has to be wrong per say to get therapy. Even when things are going well and life is quiet, it's still good to check in with a professional for self development.

2. Research the different therapy modalities and choose someone that utilizes the techniques that work best for you. Once you do secure a therapist, SPEAK UP. Communicate your needs. For example, if you are looking for an action plan, state that. If you need a space to be seen and heard, let them know. If you are totally lost, tell them. Trust me, they have seen and heard it all. Help them help you and remember... YOU dictate the process.

3. Besides qualifications and bedside manner, there's also the person behind the credentials. Gender, age, cultural background, or religious preference are things to consider. This is a very personal choice and will vary from person to person. What I will say is, I feel if you're doing life right, wisdom comes with age. So at this point in my life, for MY needs, I prefer an individual more senior in age. This will definitely change as I evolve. I also encourage you to be open minded as unconscious bias steers us to choose things that are familiar to us. There is much to be learned from someone that comes from a totally different walk of life.

4. Always complete two sessions unless it's painfully obvious during sesh 1 that your guy/gal isn't a fit. I find that the first session consists of getting formalities out of the way and light discovery. The 45-60 min window FLIES. This is why I feel a second session is usually in order to really determine if you and your therapist are a match. Do you feel comfortable opening up? Is your therapist attentive and inquisitive? Do they honor your needs?

Other FAQ's:

Virtual vs. In Person- I've done both and believe they are equally effective. As I mentioned, when I first got started, it was during the dark Covidian Era, so in person wasn't an option. Later, I opted for in person when my schedule would permit and enjoyed that as well.

How do I front the bill and what's the cost?- Nope, you can't pay for your session with chewing gum. The good news is, the high demand for shrinks has caused the marketplace to expand options for payment. Average cost is $100-$200 per session. Health insurance tends to cover a good chunk. If you have one, you can use your HSA as well.

Also, your job may offer an EAP (Employee Assistance Program) that you qualify for by simply being on the payroll. With an EAP- they typically offer 6-8 sessions with participating professionals in the network (you can still choose your therapist within this network) totally free of cost.

Tons of non-profit agencies advocate for mental health, and offer free to low costs avenues to counseling.

If you must pay out of pocket- many therapists are willing to charge on a "sliding scale," which is lower than their typical rate and can be based on your income.

Last, you can become a member of online platforms like @BetterHelp and @TalkSpace that slash normal rates too!

I recognize in the past there were nonsensical stigmas attached mental health and being vulnerable, especially for men. Beyond thrilled to see this ideology shedding. Confronting your problems is the opposite of the weakness. In fact, showing up for yourself is one of the most courageous acts of self care and self love. Tending to your mind & heart is the source vitality. You get those two things right, you can conquer anything.

If you still find yourself straddling the fence on whether or not you should take the leap, you can always sign up for a consultation to see if therapy is right for you!

-your ally in well-being, Ash